Everyone has something to say and no matter how helpful they think they are being, it can be damn frustrating, especially when planning your wedding.
The opinion givers believe that by telling you just how much their idea is worth considering, even when you are confident with your choices, you will suddenly change your plans or realize what a genius they are.
So how do you deal with these unwanted wedding planning opinions or nosiness without being a jerk? Follow these five steps and listen to the Bridechilla Podcast for more.
“That’s not going to work for me.”
What I love about this saying is that it is direct but polite. The opinion giver doesn’t have much opportunity to reply. If you want to soften the blow, you can add, “Thanks so much for thinking of me/us. That’s a good idea, but it’s not going to work for us.”
Being a Bridechilla is about being chilled out and relaxed and not getting stressed, but it’s also about being empowered. It’s about finding your voice and being confident in making choices that are good for you as a couple and being able to communicate that with family and friends and vendors without being rude or an asshole. You made a decision for a reason. Be empowered to make choices that are good for you and stick with them.
Uniting two families can be a case of two worlds colliding.
Every family has different ways of doing things, different history, different traditions, different belief systems, different sporting teams and certainly different expectations of their child’s wedding day.
So, whenever you are confronted with an odd statement such as,
“That’s not what I’d do,” or, “In our family, we only eat yellow things,” take a moment, breathe, and ask why are they acting this way?
If you peel back the layers of advice and bossiness, I’m betting the opinion giver just really wants to be a part of planning your wedding and doesn’t really know how to communicate that without making you want to take an extra Ambien or three.
A lot of the time issues occur because people don’t realize how they are behaving; sometimes you’ve just got tell them. I’m not talking about being rude, I’m talking about being assertive.
If your future in-laws are being overly opinionated and you are struggling to see their view, you can let them know in the clearest and most level-headed way as possible that you appreciate their input but you will be taking a different path,
“I like your second cousin Darleen, but I don’t know her well enough for her to be a bridesmaid in our wedding. Your advice is really valuable and it means a lot to me, but the bridal party is already locked in.”
Or perhaps even,
“We’ve had some time to think about having our wedding in your garage, but as we’ve already paid the deposit on the vineyard, we think we’ll stick to the plan. Thanks for the generous offer!”
If the polite approaches aren’t working, then revert to our favorite assertive phrase, “That’s not going to work for me.” If that doesn’t do the trick then smile, hold eye contact, and edge backward. When you are far enough away, turn around and run.
Remember, keeping the peace doesn’t have to equate to being a pushover. Set your boundaries early.
Bridechillas try and see things from other people’s perspectives, even if it’s challenging for you. The issues that you may be experiencing with your family or in-laws may be symptoms of other problems that are happening in their lives. Perhaps they aren’t listening to The Bridechilla Podcast and have yet to see the value in open pathways of communication and instead channel their opinions and needs into passive-aggressive statements or idle threats. We know that’s not the path to succeeding, but by trying to see their point of view, you can position yourself to swoop in and force their hand with better communication.
Be mindful, be caring and be strong. Get your partner on board and rock the hell out of it.
